Marriage Advice from Dad

Recently while I was sorting through the papers left behind by Charlie's parents, I found the transcript of the words of advice that Fred gave us during our wedding ceremony.  That day we asked both my parents and Charlie's dad to give us their words of advice for a good marriage.  We wanted to learn from those who had proven that a happy, successful marriage could be ours as well.  These words  were good words of advice which we welcomed as we began our life together.  We appreciated hearing them that day, and I enjoyed re-reading them today.  Maybe they will be a blessing to someone else, so I offer them here.

May I first congratulate Charles and Joan on their wedding day.  May your lives together be long and happy ones.

I would like to take this opportunity to express a few thoughts on what constitutes a happy and successful marriage.  I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, or marriage counselor.  I am just a retired school teacher with almost 51 years of a productive and happy married life behind him.  These thoughts are meant to be a guideline only.  They worked for my wife Ellen and me, and we have lived by them.

First, make sure your spouse is your best friend.  Be there for your partner.  There will be times when you come home after a grueling day, when it seems that the world is against you, when the harder you try, the behinder you get and you feel a need to unburder yourself.  That is the time your spouse needs to sit and listen, not give advice or offer suggestions to what you could have done nor cast blame on anyone, but just sit and listen.  Perhaps and encouraging, kind word now and then would be in order.  The key, Charlie and Joan, is to let your spouse know you are there for them.

Second and most important, never go to sleep angry at each other.  Anger never solves problems.  It feeds upon itself.  I remember our pastor asked an elderly couple with 63 years of happy married life behind them what they attributed their successful marriage to.  Their answer in unison was this:  "We have never gone to sleep angry at each other."  I know from experience that at bedtime, when all is in darkness, if one hand will reach out it will find the spouses hand ccoming to meet it.  The past intense discussion, yes even an argument, will be cast aside with love for one another and the Lord's help.  All problems can be solved.

Third, verbal angry words hurt and cannot be withdrawn.  We hear a lot about physical abuse these days, but I believe verbal abuse is more hurtful and long lasting.  Verbal abuse, and angry words, those words that are spoken without thought, can wound deeply.  The idea that an apology makes it all right again is nonsense.  Once spoken, the words are there.  Find a method that works for both of you when anger arises.  Perhaps an embrace, a cooling-off period, or a prayer.  Above all, when angry emotions take over, find a way to control them.

There are many experiences that the two of you will have.  There are many decisions to make.  My prayer is that the two of you soon learn to be one.  Think of the other first.  Don't fail to show love and affection for each other.  I know there are those who wondered why my wife and I, both in our 70's, still held hands, hugged a great deal and never said goodbye without a kiss.  But we know why.  We loved each other for 51 years.

So Charlie and Joan, enjoy your lives together.  Be the other's best friend, and always be there for each other.  God bless you.

 I did not remember his exact words, so it was good to reread them.  I did, however, remember the gist of what he said.  He was a real blessing to us, and I am so thankful to have known him.